A visit by my mother

My mother visited me last night in my dream and urged me to establish contact with one of my childhood friends.  I was slightly exasperated, and I told her, "Mom!  I'm friends with her on Facebook, I read her blog all the time, and I have her e-mail address!"  My mother smiled, apparently pleased, and I woke up.  I have no idea why I'm supposed to be in contact with my friend, but I messaged her this morning re the dream, and as with all mysterious messages, I reckon we'll find out when the time comes.

At around 2:30 this morning I was awakened by what sounded like someone having an asthma attack. At first I thought it was Jeff, who snores, but then realized it wasn't. The person was truly unable to catch his/her breath and was sucking in a tremendous amount of air. As I was laying there wondering who on earth was in so much trouble and should I call the police?, Gertie woke up and heard the noise, too. She leaped off the bed and ran around the house barking furiously, while I took that opportunity to look out the windows. At one point I even thought the breathing was coming from my closet, then it seemed as if it was coming from the other bedroom - talk about being terrified! There was not a soul outside OR in the closet, and Maggie and Sadie stayed in bed, not hearing anything (except Gertie's barking). Jeff FINALLY woke up (hahahaha), and looked out the windows but didn't hear the breathing EITHER - I kept saying, "Don't you HEAR that?!" After several minutes, the noise just vanished, and I had goose bumps all over my arms wondering who that poor soul was, and should I still call the police even though Gertie and I couldn't hear anything anymore? I didn't call the police because since only Gertie and I heard it, I really felt it was probably paranormal in nature but still made a mental note to check our walkway for blood (gruesome, I know). And in case you think I should have called the police anyway (hey! I'm still thinking I should have, too, when I
first heard the breathing), our neighborhood has so many street lights that the whole area is completely illuminated to the point where there really isn't anywhere for a person to hide or go unnoticed - a lot of my neighbors walk their dogs at all hours because it's so well-lit.

When I read my e-mail this morning at around 7:00, I had an e-mail sent at 1:39 a.m. from one of my neighbors who lives two blocks away to all of us in the 'hood. At around 1:00 a.m. a young woman had been driving through the neighborhood, jumped a curb and slammed into that neighbor's car parked in the driveway, causing considerable damage, then reversed her car and drove erratically away, out of the neighborhood and onto a main road in the opposite direction of my house. The neighbor was sending out an e-mail alert for information re the car/driver - the neighbor had been awake when it all happened and saw the make and model of the car, as well as the driver.

To my knowledge, it's still an unsolved hit and run. But I'm wondering if the driver suffered a chest wound or an air bag injury and may have died or been unconscious at around 2:30 when Gertie and I heard the breathing. I'll e-mail my neighbor and ask her to keep me updated if they find the driver - I'd really like to know!

Uh oh:  I woke up this morning to an overwhelming, deadly smell of petroleum.  I'm not sure what I had been dreaming about because, unfortunately, The Girls were waking me with multiples kisses (must have been a really awful dream for all 3 to comfort me at once).  Later this morning as I was filling the car's tank (makes me cringe!), my credit card wouldn't go back into the wallet slot; I found out why when I saw a ribbon, pulled it out, and attached was a St. Francis medal.  St. Francis is the Patron Saint of Animals, Birds, Fire, Merchants and Solitary death.  The last time I saw this medal was when I ordered it about 3 or 4 months prior to 9/11/01. Beginning around May or June of 2001, I had been having nightmare after nightmare of a nuclear holocaust, with one vivid dream of an airplane propeller slicing through a crowd of people in New York.  I felt desperate for protection, and although born into a family of Catholics, I wasn't raised in the Catholic Church and knew very little about the saints.  I researched online for a patron saint (guardian angel?), found St. Francis and ordered a medal for both Jeff and I to carry in our wallets.

An all-encompassing smell of petroleum, followed by my guardian angel's icon: I'm sensing we creatures of Earth all need a little (a lot???) protection in the months to come...

Today's my birthday, and I had two phenomenal experiences!  First:  the spirits of my mother and grandparents visited me; as I was mowing the yard at around 2:00 this afternoon, I distinctly smelled: steak, then sugar/cake, and finally Tabu perfume. Miss y'all, love y'all ♥  Second otherworldly experience of the day: after my shower, I opened the medicine cabinet to get my moisturizer and into the palm of my hand fell my engagement ring; I placed it in my lingerie chest a couple of years ago when it no longer fit. Don't know how it got in the medicine cabinet or who dropped it into my palm, but I said, "Okay - I guess I need to wear this", and voila! it fits again (I've lost 25 lbs. - woohoo!)

Tuesday, as I was looking at FB, I got an overwhelming sense of melancholy, then extreme (and I mean EXTREME) depression, then hatred for everybody on FB.  I thought to myself that no one gave a damn what I had to say, no one loved me (family-wise), my friends just wanted to use me for their own benefit, and on and on.  So, I cried and cried, deleted my FB account, and thought, good, now I can move on AND I was seriously thinking about making a doctor's appointment to get on some sort of anti-depressant - the depression was all-encompassing, and I was so very, very sad.

When Jeff came home, I told him what I had done, and I said "Let the past remain in the past, it's time for me to move forward.  It's not healthy for me to feel this way, and I can't afford to not be healthy!"

As a back story to all of this, I've had 4 dreams, starting about 3 or 4 months ago, of my stepfather dying.  All 4 of us children have not spoken to him in many, many years, and it's been at least 30 years since I've had any meaningful contact with him (I saw him at my mother's funeral in 1988, but we barely spoke).  When I was growing up, he was a wealthy, privileged man who abused all of us horribly, and my younger sister, who is his only "real" child, was beaten so severely as a child that she had to have kidney surgery when she was in elementary school.  She quit speaking to him about 7 years ago when he started favoring one of her boys (she has two - both are adults and one now has a child) over the other and was dismissive toward the less favored one.

So, Tuesday morning I clearly saw Jamison (the stepfather) take a pistol and shoot himself under the chin.  Since this was my 4th dream of him, I really didn't think anything more of it until yesterday when my older sister called, telling me Jamison was dead and had committed suicide by shooting himself (although not in the chin).  Apparently, he had been suffering some strokes for the last couple of months, and decided to end it all.

The bizarre part comes in because apparently I not only witnessed him doing it (the other 3 dreams were of his death, not the way in which he died), but all of his rage, melancholy, hatred was transferred to me on Tuesday, or rather, it was played out for me, only I didn't realize why I felt the way I did when it was all happening.  Now everything makes sense, and thank god I'm no longer feeling that way (and no doctor's visit for anti-depressives, lol).

So I'm off of FB for good - if I can feel all those emotions from a man I loathed
and NEVER thought of, think of what I feel on a daily basis from friends' posts.  I
try and try to block out all those emotions, but I'm not having any success, and
I'm never certain from whom it's coming.  When I deal with clients one-on-one, I
know exactly why I'm having those emotions, and giving facials is always a
healing time, for me and the client.

And here's one more bizarre twist to this whole thing:  Jamison's obituary has not been posted yet, nor has there been a news story about a suicide or shooting or anything.  I guess his body must be at the coroner's office, either awaiting an autopsy or something, and maybe that's why nothing's been published.  But as to no news stories whatsoever, that just shows me what the rich and powerful can get squashed when they want to (he has a wife, who's a piece of work in her own right).  I've even gone to the different funeral homes' websites in Montgomery (Alabama, where he lived), and nada. My older sister thinks I'm nuts for wanting to even see his obituary, but I'm curious to see who's listed as a survivor - probably just his wife.

Let the past remain in the past, indeed.
UPDATE:  Friday, March 26:  The obituary has posted, and none of us four children are listed as Jamison's survivors (no surprise there), although my sister's son, Jamie, is listed (but not Jason).  It also says he died on Wednesday, which is incorrect, but I'm sure that's because his wife didn't want anyone to know the real date and wonder why it wasn't posted before now. Also, my sister and her other son (Jason) were told they were not welcome at the funeral and to stay away.  Wow.  Just keep heaping the misery on the already miserable, and see what karma has in store for you.
UPDATE:  Saturday, March 27:  Today's obituary posting lists my sister and Jason.
UPDATE:  Monday, March 29:  I've just been told that Jamison did indeed die on Wednesday, NOT on Tuesday, and Jeff finally convinced me to get back on Facebook, although I'll do it in a lessened capacity (read postings, walk away, clear my mind).

Last night right before I went to bed I looked at our bank account online and realized someone had made fraudulent charges on our account.  I knew I had to go the bank this morning to get it straightened out and worried about it all night.  This morning I woke up, took The Girls out, and saw a fish (plastic, I think, lol) in the tree in the backyard.  Huh?  A fish? I immediately thought, oh, okay, everything's gonna be just fine - we'll always have food to eat.  Sure enough, I went to the bank, all the charges were credited back to our account, a new card's been issued, and the sorry s-o-b who hacked into our account is now being hunted down.  When I got back home, The Girls and I went outside again, and poof! no fish.  Anywhere.  I looked all over the yard, the trees, the bushes, and no fish.  Sometimes whenever in doubt, keep your eyes open for a sign and you just might be surprised with what you find - Life Is Good!

I had my first dream of dying by fire.  I was in a sports car which kept going faster and faster, and I lost control.  I thought to myself Just shift into neutral, then steer the car off the road.  I looked down at the shifter controls, and all I saw were numbers: 55111, 55112, 55113, etc. scrolling rapidly through a view-window.  I steered the car off road, sped through a meadow/woods area, then emerged to a sudden drop off to a road below.  As the car was flying through the air, I kept thinking Maybe I can survive this, but mid-air I saw that a tanker truck was passing on the road below, and I was headed straight for it.  The car slammed into the truck, and I still thought Maybe I'll survive this somehow anyway, but then I felt the heat of the explosion engulf my body, and my last thought was Oh, crap.  I didn't suffer - except for the initial heat, death was instantaneous.  I hope if anyone reads this, and their loved one has died from a fiery auto accident, they'll be comforted to know that he/she did not suffer.

Jeff and I were just outside in the backyard with The Girls when a hawk flew straight at us (Jeff and I, NOT The Girls), screeching the entire time he was flying and staring directly at us.  The hawk represents power, magic and messenger. According to Lin's Domain: "A Red-Tailed Hawk Totem is special. It has direct ties to the Kundalini, the seat of primal life force.It is associated with the base chakra. If you have this Totem, you will be aware of and work towards fulfilling your soul's purpose. It reflects a greater intensity of energy within your life: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual forces will all be strong within you. It is associated with the number "14" with the Tarot card Temperance. This card represents the teaching of higher expressions of psychic ability and vision."  Since I read Tarot from the Druid deck, this card is extremely auspicious and indicates that we're entering a phase of successful creative endeavor.  Sweet!

I was telling a client who has been dreaming about her recently departed grandmother to look for a sign or signs from her grandmother. A sign can be anything that instantly makes you think of the person who has passed on.  I glanced out my window as I was writing my client and saw a sign from my mother, my cat Buddy, my grandmother and my dog Lucy - all represented by the melting snow on my neighbor's roof (none of the other roofs within my line of sight had snow melt!).  The first was of a wheelchair (see 10-18-08 posting - in the dream with my mother she was showing me me in a wheelchair), and it looks as if I'm reaching for a cat (Buddy).  The second looked exactly like a picture I have circa 1920s of my grandmother wearing a hat almost obscuring her eyes, and the third looks like my labrador Lucy (these are in the same picture).  Here are the pics:

I have many precognitive visions in which I'm the victim, so most nights I'm being "murdered" or die in some other way while I should be having lovely dreams of ... I don't know, it's been so long since I've had a lovely peaceful dream, lol. And yes, I'll read or hear on the news about the murder a few days after I've "witnessed" it. While I'm working actively to garner some bit of useful information that I can give to police so that these murders don't happen, I still rarely remember names, license plate numbers, etc. after I awaken. BUT every now and then, I get a name or phone number and google it to see what I can find out.

This morning I had a vision of being in a medical clinic that was decorated very peacefully with soothing classical music playing on the speakers. I was introduced to and shook hands with a medical professional in a lab coat by the name of Susan Sagel. I looked directly at her name tag so that I could remember the spelling of her name (I make myself do that in my dreams, although most times I forget what it was I was supposed to remember). She told me I was very sick but that I had come to the right place because they specialized in my disease, and that their clinic was filled with hope and love. Now, I knew it wasn't really ME, just as I know I'm not really the murder victim in those types of dreams. So, I woke myself up, wrote her name down, then googled her. She's a registered nurse at a lymphoma center, Cancer & Blood Institute of the Desert, Rancho Mirage, CA (http://www.lymphomation.org/cancer-centers-c.htm).  If anyone reading this has symptoms of lymphoma (leukemia) such as unexplained weight loss, easy bruising, torrential night sweats, please see your doctor!