Genocide

I dreamed that many people were under surveillance and disappeared (murdered by those in power) - much in the way the Jewish people were disappearing from neighborhoods during the Nazi regime.  But this was a modern day setting, and no one knew why anyone was disappearing because there didn't seem to be a commonality among those who were gone.

I found myself staying at a hotel or dormitory setting and got to know many of the other residents.  It was understood that we were all being watched, but it had become a fact of life, and we just accepted Big Brother as our new normal.

One day a few of us were sitting in a common room chatting and watching television, when a door opened and a good friend (in my dream, unknown to me in this world) of mine came over to me and said, "I have to go.  It's my time."  He was an extraordinarily tall man, about 6'6" with blonde hair, about 35-40 years old.  His eyes looked smaller than normal, as if he had been crying, although no tears were visible as he spoke to me.  His words meant that he was about to disappear, and I stood up and gave him a long, heartfelt hug.  Another man stood with him, who was also about to disappear., but although I had seen the other man on several occasions, I didn't know his name.  This man was in his thirties, wore glasses, was average height, and looked a bit like a nerd - I got the feeling he was a techie.

At that moment, another man entered the room.  This guy was wearing business casual clothes, and looked entirely normal, except I knew he was there to escort my two friends to their deaths.  He nodded at my friends, and they both gave me one last pleading look, meaning "we desperately want this to stop, yet no one will do anything."

I woke up with the word "complacency" on my mind.  We should never become complacent about any harmful actions by others, and we should never accept brutality and genocide and inhumane actions against our fellow man, no matter how much those in charge or those around us wish us to think of it as "normal."

A dream of religion and art

I dreamed I was visiting some friends (unknown to me in the waking world), one of whom worked for the Catholic Diocese of New Orleans as a social worker and counselor and who traveled extensively all over the world in her position.  Over the years she had sent me numerous brochures, postcards and pictures representing different artists' views of Biblical scenes and figures as displayed within the world-wide Catholic communities.  I then would turn the media she sent into art: collages, picture quilts, huge paintings using mixed media, and on and on.

I woke up with this thought: I'm turning one man's religion into another man's art, and it all has a divine purpose.

After much contemplation, here's my interpretation of the dream: I've definitely had enough with the religious wars and holier-than-thou attitudes: how am I going to Hell when I die when I know that Hell is this life on earth and definitely not in the next plane of existence?  Why on earth would you pray for my soul, when my soul is happy and laughing and wonder-filled with all that is?  Why is your religion a one-way ticket straight to heaven and therefore your God, when God is actually right here in each of us, and we have the power right now to be connected to each other and perform divinely instead of waiting an eternity for a deity to come to humanity's rescue?  You and your divine connection to each of your fellow beings is the deity who will rescue you - that's the lesson and the learning step God has implanted in each of us.  I've also had enough of why is one religion being thought of as more favorable over another and why are most organized religions trying to suppress what is unique in each of us?  Get over yourselves!  We are each uniquely divine and a work of art, some starting off as mere images, while others part of a cohesive whole.

A visit by my mother

My mother visited me last night in my dream and urged me to establish contact with one of my childhood friends.  I was slightly exasperated, and I told her, "Mom!  I'm friends with her on Facebook, I read her blog all the time, and I have her e-mail address!"  My mother smiled, apparently pleased, and I woke up.  I have no idea why I'm supposed to be in contact with my friend, but I messaged her this morning re the dream, and as with all mysterious messages, I reckon we'll find out when the time comes.

At around 2:30 this morning I was awakened by what sounded like someone having an asthma attack. At first I thought it was Jeff, who snores, but then realized it wasn't. The person was truly unable to catch his/her breath and was sucking in a tremendous amount of air. As I was laying there wondering who on earth was in so much trouble and should I call the police?, Gertie woke up and heard the noise, too. She leaped off the bed and ran around the house barking furiously, while I took that opportunity to look out the windows. At one point I even thought the breathing was coming from my closet, then it seemed as if it was coming from the other bedroom - talk about being terrified! There was not a soul outside OR in the closet, and Maggie and Sadie stayed in bed, not hearing anything (except Gertie's barking). Jeff FINALLY woke up (hahahaha), and looked out the windows but didn't hear the breathing EITHER - I kept saying, "Don't you HEAR that?!" After several minutes, the noise just vanished, and I had goose bumps all over my arms wondering who that poor soul was, and should I still call the police even though Gertie and I couldn't hear anything anymore? I didn't call the police because since only Gertie and I heard it, I really felt it was probably paranormal in nature but still made a mental note to check our walkway for blood (gruesome, I know). And in case you think I should have called the police anyway (hey! I'm still thinking I should have, too, when I
first heard the breathing), our neighborhood has so many street lights that the whole area is completely illuminated to the point where there really isn't anywhere for a person to hide or go unnoticed - a lot of my neighbors walk their dogs at all hours because it's so well-lit.

When I read my e-mail this morning at around 7:00, I had an e-mail sent at 1:39 a.m. from one of my neighbors who lives two blocks away to all of us in the 'hood. At around 1:00 a.m. a young woman had been driving through the neighborhood, jumped a curb and slammed into that neighbor's car parked in the driveway, causing considerable damage, then reversed her car and drove erratically away, out of the neighborhood and onto a main road in the opposite direction of my house. The neighbor was sending out an e-mail alert for information re the car/driver - the neighbor had been awake when it all happened and saw the make and model of the car, as well as the driver.

To my knowledge, it's still an unsolved hit and run. But I'm wondering if the driver suffered a chest wound or an air bag injury and may have died or been unconscious at around 2:30 when Gertie and I heard the breathing. I'll e-mail my neighbor and ask her to keep me updated if they find the driver - I'd really like to know!

Uh oh:  I woke up this morning to an overwhelming, deadly smell of petroleum.  I'm not sure what I had been dreaming about because, unfortunately, The Girls were waking me with multiples kisses (must have been a really awful dream for all 3 to comfort me at once).  Later this morning as I was filling the car's tank (makes me cringe!), my credit card wouldn't go back into the wallet slot; I found out why when I saw a ribbon, pulled it out, and attached was a St. Francis medal.  St. Francis is the Patron Saint of Animals, Birds, Fire, Merchants and Solitary death.  The last time I saw this medal was when I ordered it about 3 or 4 months prior to 9/11/01. Beginning around May or June of 2001, I had been having nightmare after nightmare of a nuclear holocaust, with one vivid dream of an airplane propeller slicing through a crowd of people in New York.  I felt desperate for protection, and although born into a family of Catholics, I wasn't raised in the Catholic Church and knew very little about the saints.  I researched online for a patron saint (guardian angel?), found St. Francis and ordered a medal for both Jeff and I to carry in our wallets.

An all-encompassing smell of petroleum, followed by my guardian angel's icon: I'm sensing we creatures of Earth all need a little (a lot???) protection in the months to come...

Today's my birthday, and I had two phenomenal experiences!  First:  the spirits of my mother and grandparents visited me; as I was mowing the yard at around 2:00 this afternoon, I distinctly smelled: steak, then sugar/cake, and finally Tabu perfume. Miss y'all, love y'all ♥  Second otherworldly experience of the day: after my shower, I opened the medicine cabinet to get my moisturizer and into the palm of my hand fell my engagement ring; I placed it in my lingerie chest a couple of years ago when it no longer fit. Don't know how it got in the medicine cabinet or who dropped it into my palm, but I said, "Okay - I guess I need to wear this", and voila! it fits again (I've lost 25 lbs. - woohoo!)

Tuesday, as I was looking at FB, I got an overwhelming sense of melancholy, then extreme (and I mean EXTREME) depression, then hatred for everybody on FB.  I thought to myself that no one gave a damn what I had to say, no one loved me (family-wise), my friends just wanted to use me for their own benefit, and on and on.  So, I cried and cried, deleted my FB account, and thought, good, now I can move on AND I was seriously thinking about making a doctor's appointment to get on some sort of anti-depressant - the depression was all-encompassing, and I was so very, very sad.

When Jeff came home, I told him what I had done, and I said "Let the past remain in the past, it's time for me to move forward.  It's not healthy for me to feel this way, and I can't afford to not be healthy!"

As a back story to all of this, I've had 4 dreams, starting about 3 or 4 months ago, of my stepfather dying.  All 4 of us children have not spoken to him in many, many years, and it's been at least 30 years since I've had any meaningful contact with him (I saw him at my mother's funeral in 1988, but we barely spoke).  When I was growing up, he was a wealthy, privileged man who abused all of us horribly, and my younger sister, who is his only "real" child, was beaten so severely as a child that she had to have kidney surgery when she was in elementary school.  She quit speaking to him about 7 years ago when he started favoring one of her boys (she has two - both are adults and one now has a child) over the other and was dismissive toward the less favored one.

So, Tuesday morning I clearly saw Jamison (the stepfather) take a pistol and shoot himself under the chin.  Since this was my 4th dream of him, I really didn't think anything more of it until yesterday when my older sister called, telling me Jamison was dead and had committed suicide by shooting himself (although not in the chin).  Apparently, he had been suffering some strokes for the last couple of months, and decided to end it all.

The bizarre part comes in because apparently I not only witnessed him doing it (the other 3 dreams were of his death, not the way in which he died), but all of his rage, melancholy, hatred was transferred to me on Tuesday, or rather, it was played out for me, only I didn't realize why I felt the way I did when it was all happening.  Now everything makes sense, and thank god I'm no longer feeling that way (and no doctor's visit for anti-depressives, lol).

So I'm off of FB for good - if I can feel all those emotions from a man I loathed
and NEVER thought of, think of what I feel on a daily basis from friends' posts.  I
try and try to block out all those emotions, but I'm not having any success, and
I'm never certain from whom it's coming.  When I deal with clients one-on-one, I
know exactly why I'm having those emotions, and giving facials is always a
healing time, for me and the client.

And here's one more bizarre twist to this whole thing:  Jamison's obituary has not been posted yet, nor has there been a news story about a suicide or shooting or anything.  I guess his body must be at the coroner's office, either awaiting an autopsy or something, and maybe that's why nothing's been published.  But as to no news stories whatsoever, that just shows me what the rich and powerful can get squashed when they want to (he has a wife, who's a piece of work in her own right).  I've even gone to the different funeral homes' websites in Montgomery (Alabama, where he lived), and nada. My older sister thinks I'm nuts for wanting to even see his obituary, but I'm curious to see who's listed as a survivor - probably just his wife.

Let the past remain in the past, indeed.
UPDATE:  Friday, March 26:  The obituary has posted, and none of us four children are listed as Jamison's survivors (no surprise there), although my sister's son, Jamie, is listed (but not Jason).  It also says he died on Wednesday, which is incorrect, but I'm sure that's because his wife didn't want anyone to know the real date and wonder why it wasn't posted before now. Also, my sister and her other son (Jason) were told they were not welcome at the funeral and to stay away.  Wow.  Just keep heaping the misery on the already miserable, and see what karma has in store for you.
UPDATE:  Saturday, March 27:  Today's obituary posting lists my sister and Jason.
UPDATE:  Monday, March 29:  I've just been told that Jamison did indeed die on Wednesday, NOT on Tuesday, and Jeff finally convinced me to get back on Facebook, although I'll do it in a lessened capacity (read postings, walk away, clear my mind).

Last night right before I went to bed I looked at our bank account online and realized someone had made fraudulent charges on our account.  I knew I had to go the bank this morning to get it straightened out and worried about it all night.  This morning I woke up, took The Girls out, and saw a fish (plastic, I think, lol) in the tree in the backyard.  Huh?  A fish? I immediately thought, oh, okay, everything's gonna be just fine - we'll always have food to eat.  Sure enough, I went to the bank, all the charges were credited back to our account, a new card's been issued, and the sorry s-o-b who hacked into our account is now being hunted down.  When I got back home, The Girls and I went outside again, and poof! no fish.  Anywhere.  I looked all over the yard, the trees, the bushes, and no fish.  Sometimes whenever in doubt, keep your eyes open for a sign and you just might be surprised with what you find - Life Is Good!

I had my first dream of dying by fire.  I was in a sports car which kept going faster and faster, and I lost control.  I thought to myself Just shift into neutral, then steer the car off the road.  I looked down at the shifter controls, and all I saw were numbers: 55111, 55112, 55113, etc. scrolling rapidly through a view-window.  I steered the car off road, sped through a meadow/woods area, then emerged to a sudden drop off to a road below.  As the car was flying through the air, I kept thinking Maybe I can survive this, but mid-air I saw that a tanker truck was passing on the road below, and I was headed straight for it.  The car slammed into the truck, and I still thought Maybe I'll survive this somehow anyway, but then I felt the heat of the explosion engulf my body, and my last thought was Oh, crap.  I didn't suffer - except for the initial heat, death was instantaneous.  I hope if anyone reads this, and their loved one has died from a fiery auto accident, they'll be comforted to know that he/she did not suffer.

Jeff and I were just outside in the backyard with The Girls when a hawk flew straight at us (Jeff and I, NOT The Girls), screeching the entire time he was flying and staring directly at us.  The hawk represents power, magic and messenger. According to Lin's Domain: "A Red-Tailed Hawk Totem is special. It has direct ties to the Kundalini, the seat of primal life force.It is associated with the base chakra. If you have this Totem, you will be aware of and work towards fulfilling your soul's purpose. It reflects a greater intensity of energy within your life: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual forces will all be strong within you. It is associated with the number "14" with the Tarot card Temperance. This card represents the teaching of higher expressions of psychic ability and vision."  Since I read Tarot from the Druid deck, this card is extremely auspicious and indicates that we're entering a phase of successful creative endeavor.  Sweet!